This entry has been posted as of 11 AM Saturday, November 16, 2013. Out of the wishes of my employer, I chose not to display this publicly until after closing. You may get upset as you are just now finding out this information, but please understand that my boss asked to make no public announcement. Consider this my “goodbye” to the business.
I was hoping to have more time to write about this, but the deadline arrived earlier than expected. Let’s face it, we were all hoping for some miracle to postpone such an event until the end of this year, but for what it’s worth it’s a little too late to be saying sorry altogether. In any case …
I’ve accepted the inevitable, many months ago and I knew we wouldn’t survive long after the summer. … There are MANY who have (indirectly) shared their gripes about our place and make it that much harder to stay in good spirits about closing shop. There are only a handful of people who have showed a level of respect with me that I could reciprocate.
… I view closing as an opportunity to share my feelings and mature from this experience. For those of us who feel so strongly about it, I’m done trying to convince everyone that this place is worth something, because it’s over now. With that said: Sayonara, Japan.
I used to think that there might be something completely wrong with me, 'cos people would complain constantly about “what went wrong” via their POV.
Some hope to see me fall face first into humility, they’ll run my patience with lots of verbal hostility. Eventually, I realized that it’s all they wanna see: their bickering only strengthens my negativity.
My friend always says, “Be a Bitch but don’t by Bitchy,” Yet I act my best and people continue to walk over me. Some wonder why I sit at that counter looking so angrily? I can’t stand another minute, I dream of the day I’ll be free.
They come to be entertained and treated like royalty, I care for a place who’s people don’t even care for me. Who cares what the “socially-awkward” “Asian Dyke” has to say? I’ll bet fifty cents you don’t, but that’s my two cents for today.
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My friend, Lauren messaged me earlier today, telling me that she had posted new fiction and persuaded me to post poetry. I haven’t written out my feelings in a creative fashion in a very long time, so I feel really good about turning something negative into positive through writing. Thanks Lauren! Have Fun, ya’ll.
I need to know that I can come home to some kind of security, because I don’t want to move only to be boxed in again. I refuse to revert to an old way of living, because I’ve gotten used to venturing out for myself. I like knowing that I have other options and I can do things on my own time. …
the actual work I’ve put into this hasn’t rewarded me yet. I can’t hope to stay if I can’t make ends meet. I’m forced to live and work outside the box.
I’m always afraid of what happens next, as though I walk into situations blindfolded. But at the same time I feel like I have a handful of people who give me that extra push, the friends who encourage and believe in me.
So I started thinking of my grandmother as our family’s Phoenix. Lola Mayme was a strong-headed, wonderful, religious woman who fought the complications of her health long before meeting her maker. There were many times throughout this journey where we watched her go into the Emergency Room, admitted the ICU and come back home. I had seen a Phoenix rise and fall many times and my expectation was that I would get to see her fly home once more. But when I heard that she had passed and wasn’t coming back, I realized it was time to rest her wings. I wanted to emulate an image of the Phoenix bird, to celebrate a rise and fall through ashes, as did Lola Mayme. I dedicate my drawing to her (view drawing here).
personal excerpt from Release Date 2013/04/23 via livejournal.
featured: Kailaboration, Phoenix - Bankrupt! poster. photo by naokai.
Time is not measured by clocks, but by the beating of her heart. Seconds equate to every breath she takes; the uncertainty when she wakes. Days describe the deterioration of health. Minutes, our last few moments together.
So hold my hand and go to sleep; Let us count the days to your release.
Rest your eyes, rest in peace; Let us count the days to your release.
To be fixated with the idea that someone is attracted may and reserve feelings for you: The instant that your eyes cross one another and you’re both smiling, you accept each other’s company. The relationship you share evolves into a growing curiosity, a slight fondness with no harm nor ill-will. Enjoy time spent in the innocence of ambiguity. Whatever feelings will follow can either make or break the friendship that you hold. Crush.
via livejournal. I haven’t written anything in awhile that I felt was tumblr-share worthy, but maybe this entry can relate to the innocent children within us.
(20100608 - Sampling Speakers) Wow, look at the date on this video.
Looking at footage from our old Polygamy of Musique series puts a smile on my face, because it’s remnant of a fantasy that we created, shared and lived at one point. Everyone who knew about this believed and supported our DJ project, recieving lots of love and respect from friends. Part of me reverts to these memories and in my mind I have this wild desire to play again, but it’s not the same without my partner. So for now I collect vinyls, just like him.